When I'm A Dad

Arhat

Ahh . . . think what fun it will be to be a father. I can see it now, total control over my son's life. I'll be the envy of every father around. Let's see . . . I guess I'll have to make a list of things to do.

1. Drink. Nothing heavy, just a shit load of beer, and of course every night (Or else it wouldn't have a strong effect).
   
   
2. Buy my son (it'll be a boy) some really rad equipment, like a computer or something. That way I can control him. If he tries to make up his own mind, away with the computer. Ya, I'll be sitting with God.
   
   
3. Let him get a license, but don't let him get a car, so he'll have to squirm and become lower than life. He can beg me or something. I'll think of the details more as my stomach gets bigger from all the alcohol (as mentioned in step #1).
   
   
4. I'll have to stop keeping in shape so I can show him how not to look. Wouldn't want my son to grow up and become a fat slob or anything.
   
   
5. No matter what, I have to disagree with him on everything. This is a must, lest he think that I am his friend or something. I must never show him a caring side. I'm no pussy! Let his mother do that crap.
   
   
6. Oh, here we go. I'll make him join the Young Republicans (or some group like that). All my friends will look up to me. They'll tell me, "gee, I wish my son had as much direction as your's does. You've done one hell of a job with 'im. This beer's on me."
   
   
7. I'll make him take business classes as soon as he gets into high school. Don't want to raise no hippy.
   
   

Umm . . . ya, that sounds about right. My son will really thank me for what I'll do to him. Or at least he will when he is old enough to understand that the world isn't about having honor and doing what you want to do. It's dog eat dog. My dad did it to me, so I'll pass the lesson on. I mean, without it, where would I be now?